Eating Disorder Treatment, Binge EatingOrange County, California, Eating Disorder Treatment ProgramEating DisorderEating Disorder

Admiring Anorexia

In the wake of losing my “NaNa,” a friend I have known since Elementary School reconnected with me.  We were best friends most of our lives.  I got married, she moved out of state and we lost touch.

ccShe persisted, we talked and then she stayed a week to help me get it together. However, rather than getting me together, her presence splintered my heart and mind.  I would look at her and instead of seeing that at age 37 she has had to get dentures and her hair is very frail, I would see how beautiful it is that I can see her collarbone.  She needed to return home early, and yet I made up excuses for her to stay because her presence distracted me from watching my mother mourn her own mother.

At present, my friend has returned home.  I still feel helpless and have not allowed myself to mourn because I am “being strong” for my mom. Needless to say all of this has put a strain on my relationship with my husband which only ads to my feeling of shame.  I try to just focus on my puppy, feeding and walking her.  But the truth is I feel out of control and at times the only things I can focus on are my friend’s cheek and collarbones.  I am thankful for this outlet.  Just saying how I can feel a bit of release in the shame and a breath of hope.  Sharing a journal with friends always opens a door to recovery. is a friend who is always there, understanding the challenges of staying abstinent, admiring you when you show the strength to ask for help and walking with you to the door of recovery.


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